Are You Shining Just For Me?

I’ve been to Toronto a lot these past few months. For a lot of reasons, my sister moved to the area, I’m working with someone there, and it’s a pretty fun place to go on a date. I catch myself romanticizing the hell out of it lately. I see myself in a messy little apartment, like Dakota Johnson’s in “How To Be Single”, right in the heart of downtown. I imagine how productive I’d be in trendy cafés, what kind of important people I’d meet at cool open mics, the kind of effortless and unique style I’d develop, essentially living my best life. It’s not that I can’t do all of these things living in Mississauga, which is just a 30 minute drive away in decent traffic, but admittedly, it can’t be my everyday life.

Very rational people have told me this is a very expensive dream. What very rational people don’t get is that this is my most rational dream yet. For the longest time I wanted to live in Los Angeles. Sometimes dreams can be difficult to let go of, they become part of your identity, and you want to go after them no matter how little they make sense for you.

The fact is, I need my family and friends, and being an artist in Canada also affords you a lot of perks. No matter how cool and relevant we may be right now (thanks Drake), Canada is still trying to grow its arts industry, which means a shit ton of grants and performing opportunities for the amateur artist. Living in Canada may be the best thing I’ve got going for me. But I still want a big romantic dream, thus falling in love with Toronto may be the one of the greatest things that ever happened to me. My big romantic dream is just 30-50 minutes away from me.

So I’m going to work very hard for a very little apartment in a very big and bright city. Which on a small scale means making it my iPhone wallpaper, to remind me daily. And on a big scale, means budgeting myself and actually saving money instead of constantly transferring my savings to my chequing whenever I get that urge to spend. I’m a big girl now, with big girl dreams! (Sort of.)

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